Superficial Beauty

“If you’re pretty, you’re pretty; but the only way to be beautiful is to be loving. Otherwise, it’s just ‘congratulations about your face.'” (John Mayer)

“You look beautiful”, says the man you met about ten minutes ago in the bar. You feel flattered, don’t you? A strange man recognizing that you look attractive. It boosts your confidence, but… haven’t you heard it about a thousand times? Aren’t you sick of hearing the same compliment by someone whose only goal is to get you in bed on the very same night?

Because I know I am.

We pay so much attention to external beauty that we forget of intelligence, of humor, of kindness.  I assume that you’ve never heard “You are very intelligent” as a pick-up line. And if you have, you must have found it extremely odd, right? Truth is, you must know someone a little longer than ten minutes to receive that type of compliment. So one’s last resort is to compliment another’s external ‘show’.

“Isn’t ‘show’ a strange and offensive word to use to describe someone’s attractiveness?”, you might ask. No, it is not. Let me break your veil of ignorance for a moment:

Women spend about two to three hours getting ready for a night out. They spend ages doing their makeup, selecting the perfect figure-hugging outfit, giving their hair an “I just got out of bed”-look. They essentially become someone else to be fed to the naked eye of a man who will, potentially, be attracted to them and approach them. So much work put into a manifestation of a superficial show, just to attract someone’s attention for a moment.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad with wanting to feel nice and taking care of yourself. But, what happened to doing something that is going to make your mental horizons irresistible? What happened to being mentally attracted to someone while also being physically attracted to them?  Allow me to let you in on what happened to it, because apparently, it took an exit to the left when people realized that superficial beauty is the only way to get someone in bed with you as fast as possible.

To be fair, you can’t get to know someone and be attracted to their mind or their mesmerizing personality only by talking to them for an hour. You need a lot more time to realize that.

The thing is that there’s so much expectation from society to look a certain way in order for someone to notice you and tell you that you’re pretty. There’s a tendency to overlook what lies beyond a good looking face. It is lost in between layers of makeup and meaningless small-talk conversations.

My advice? Don’t try so hard. After all, makeup washes off, tight clothes become pajamas, hair goes into a messy bun and contact lenses are replaced by dorky glasses… Few people will stay then. Only the ones who have gotten a real taste of who you are. The ones who have gotten to know how kind, loving, intelligent and generous you are.

Keep those people close, for they have managed to look beyond the ‘show’, beyond your zealous contribution to the game of attraction, beyond beauté superficielle. To them, you will be truly beautiful and it won’t just be “Congratulations [for] your face.”

A Few that Feel a lot

Your whole life, people create these insane expectations for the ‘perfect’ relationship that you are going to have when you’re in your twenties. They tell you that you’ll meet your prince charming, get married, have kids and live happily ever after.

Needless to say that the times when our parents fell in love in such a simple and pure way are far from over.

There are little to no people who want a relationship nowadays and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that! Being in a committed and exclusively monogamous relationship with someone is a lot of work and takes up a lot of time that no one really has to give.

Plus, let’s also not forget that people are afraid to expose themselves to feelings. As soon as a hint of love appears in their emotional distance, they run away.

Some of those people, have been hurt too many times and are afraid to fall in the rabbit hole of love all over again. Others, just look at being in love as being trapped in a vicious circle called ‘a relationship. They are so attached to the sweetness of their freedom, that giving it up seems absurd and too restraining.

Then, there’s the extreme opposite of people obsessively craving to be in a relationship and fall in love to validate themselves. Since insecurity is something that’s cultivated in today’s society, I am not surprised that this is a thing.

We are a generation of extremes and all of these types of people I just described are to be expected to exist.

The million dollar question, however, is this: What is going to happen to all of those who are in between the extremes? The ones, who just want to fall in love and be with someone just because being in love is one of the best feelings one can experience. They want to fall in love, not for selfish reasons of self-validation, but because they genuinely enjoy giving it to someone who matters to them and deserves that love.

There’s no desperation or rush in that ‘wanting’ to be in love. Whenever life is ready to offer them this feeling to share with someone, they’ll be content.

The sad and unfortunate part is, that there are very few people who feel this way. Most of the time they’re referred to as “hopeless romantics”. ‘Hopeless’, because there’s no hope that they’ll find this dream-like feeling. There’s no hope because something more than a one-night-stand or a friends-with-benefits type of situation is unlikely to happen in our age and generation.

I don’t like being cynical, but I enjoy calling things as they are.

Prioritize yourself and love, because, at one point, there’s going to be nothing emotionally fulfilling in sleeping with a different person every day.

Emotional Numbness

Or ‘numbing mode’. I read somewhere online that this is what happens to people who have gone through a long period of grief.

Grief. You don’t need to cry to grieve someone’s departure from your life. It can happen even when you don’t realize it. Hearing a word, seeing a rose, listening to a song or even a specific language, can trigger grief.  It stings a little bit every time something like this happens and you’re left with a gigantic wound somewhere in your heart. Again. Only this time, the wound is numb.

This damn thing that gushes memories and not blood, hurts when you least expect it; when you thought three-quarters of a year was enough. Well, apparently they are not.

Feeling nothing is not that bad. You just need to get used to this nothingness. You’re trying so hard to feel something. Maybe a little bit of pain, but there’s nothing there. There’s only physical pain that works, but I don’t want to come close to losing my life to steal a few feelings.

So, I will just stand here, holding a void of feelings in my hands, distancing myself from everything and everyone that makes me feel nothing.

Maybe distance is the ultimate cure for emotional nothingness. Even if this distance is only 74.8 kilometers.

 

Why I Disappeared

I am a perfectionist. If something I’ve done, or written in this case, is not good enough, I can’t pull through with it.

The past months I’ve been scribbling down feelings and thoughts but everything I wrote down didn’t feel good enough for me to make it in here. There were times that I just opened my notebook and was extremely confused because I felt so much I wanted to express, but the right words wouldn’t come out. There were other times that I would write something and it was either too depressing or too confusing. I didn’t want to publish content that was too much to handle, even for myself.

So, I spent these months thinking about myself, life and my blog. I decided that this safe space of mine is going to be filled with my thoughts and feelings about life and its events in order to help you, my readers, cope with life, give you some hope and maybe inspire you to look at life from a different perspective.

I want to make a difference with this blog, so I decided to start posting weekly.

Expect to hear from me every Tuesday and Thursday starting this week (plus this bonus post :P).

M